18 June 2008

full, so full, in the brain

hello my dear blog readers.
i promise to write more soon.
i've had an exciting six days with two film-makers.
but after three weeks of academic delight, my brain is full.
i need to process and digest a bit before more writing.
but, in writing's stead, i offer yet another picture.

don't worry, it's not really the end of the world.
if you reach this point, go just a bit further, and you'll find the lovely sitting rock.
it's worth it.

12 June 2008

i love to goooo a wanderiiiiiiinngg...

Another day off! Huzzah! And it’s still sunny!

Josh and I decided to have adventures today. We trekked out to the gondolas to take a ride up the mountain (there are many, of course, and I’m sure this one had a specific name, but I don’t know that. I know it was one of many big mountains in the alps). The view, and experience, was insanely gorgeous and wonderful. I did get a little nervous — the gondola was really high (does the picture demonstrate this well?). But — totally worth it.

Once the ride stopped, we were greeted by this lovely wood carving.



Then, we started hiking. We went, up and up and up, for about an hour. I can’t even describe the views. I’ll send you to the full collection of pictures on my facebook page (I think you should be able to see them by just clicking on this link: pictures).

The air was noticeably thin; I’ve been slightly aware of this overall in Saas Fee, but only to the extent that it could just as well have been my imagination (not that I’m prone to over-thinking the physical or anything…). Here, I felt the strain. And we hiked at a pretty good pace (as I’m constitutional unable to walk slow) — for a while at least. Then I did in fact start slowing down. And maybe emitting a bit of a squeaking noise from my lungs (at least Josh told me that later, on the way down; apparently I freaked him out a little). Anyhow, I began to feel warn out, and decided to actually stop before I was completely done for (i.e. a moment of wiseness and clarity -- I'm definitely getting old). I'm often frustrated to find actual limits to my body, but I've also gotten better at accepting them (and not hurting myself). We reached a bit of a plateau with a large rock, perfect for sitting. And so I sat.

[this is me sitting. the other is my view from the sitting (before josh hiked up further)]

Josh continued up the mountain — all the way to the top! Quite impressive. Read his story on his own blog.

But let’s return to my sitting. As I begin this sentence, I know I’ll not do justice to the moment, not even come close to the experience. But I’ll try. I sat there, just looking. The clear sky, brisk breeze, and quietness surrounding me. Small noises — the clack of the hoofs of mountain goats (or something) on rock, the wind blowing through, occasionally another hiker passing by. But mostly, quiet. The surroundings dwarfed me, but I didn’t feel small. I felt — peace. I realized the extent of this rare, beautiful moment. I was sitting in the middle of huge mountains on a gorgeous day, here for an amazing academic experience where I spent my days contemplating the world from different perspectives; I will return to the states to start work on my dissertation, the culmination of these years of study, the point where I finally explode in my own ideas and expression; my family and friends are all relatively healthy and happy and in moments of their own stability; I read a really good email that morning. I felt the extent of my privilege — a life of my own building, where, for the most part, I really do what I want to do, following my passions and interests. I’ve overcome fears of leaving home, of change, and, even when still scary, I pretty much jump into new experiences (or push myself, at least). For one brilliant moment, every aspect of my life — professional, familial, personal, worldly, and otherwise — is peaceful, beautiful, and good.

In short, I am happy.

I do fear that that whole paragraph still can only sound trite or cliche, but that’s as close as I can get to the moment. So (Akua particularly, who asked for more of “me” in this blog) — there you go.

After about an hour or so, Josh returned from the peaks of the mountain, and we hiked and talked and laughed (and almost got lost a few times) for about two more hours — the rest of the way back down to town. I’m lucky to be here with such a great friend. Three weeks in close quarters with an other can be tricky, but I think we’ve done well, and I can’t begin to recount our amazing conversations, from the profound to the profane (and definitely the inane).

We made it back to the hotel in time for lunch, which we ate quickly and in relative silence. We were hungry and exhausted. We then retreated to our apartment for naps. Three hours later, we emerged for dinner and the end of the night.

Really, a spectacular day.

11 June 2008

balance

More developed on Wednesday, but that last post needed to end as it did, especially as these developments were more social and entirely non-academic.
First, I offer this picture:

Yup, those are my feet on a tightrope, balancing about 2ft off the ground. Tres, one of the guys here brought a — um, tripline? I’ve lost the word — but a rope-ish line that he drew between two giant trees in the woods. I overheard Sophie talking about practicing on this line the previous afternoon, and slowly moved my way into the conversation. I’ve been attempting to be a bit more social and actually get to know the people here. If you know me well, you know that genuinely doing this takes me some time. I may look like Mom, but I continue to carry Dad’s constitution. In other words, I’ll smile and nod and be polite and academic and such, but making that next move to actually know someone usually takes strong effort and movement outside of my comfort zone. Occasionally it happens that I’m naturally really drawn to someone, but that is rare and quite special, and hasn’t really happened here yet.

Anyhow, I weaseled my way into Sophie’s conversation and was invited to join the tightroping after lunch. So, I went. She and Tres were really good at this, and I watched for awhile. Then they asked if I wanted a turn. Now, again, you may know that I’m not known for my, hm, grace in physical movement. If there’s a hair on the rug, I’ll trip over it. Hell, I don’t even need the hair — I do that tripping-fake-running thing on pavement all the time. Almost every significant injury I’ve had has come from ridiculous circumstances, like breaking a finger by rolling a ball on the ground, or taking my dog outside. So, I was not optimistic. And I hate not being good at something. Combined? This activity included more risk than one might first anticipate. But I climbed up, and could stand straight while only barely touching the tree next to me. At various turns, both Tres and Sophie offered hands/shoulders for balance as I walked across, and generally I only needed them for that — a light touch and a small bit of balance. Okay, there were occasional desperate grasps at the help, but I never fell off. Actually, it was a tremendous experience, far more mental than physical (though strong abs help. yay sit-ups). This required focus, patience, and trust in my body. The moment I felt fear, I’d wobble, but if I trusted that my foot would find the rope in front of me, if I both held my body tightly and relaxed into the movement of the rope, I could negotiate the space. Lovely life metaphor, no? And more physical of a workout than just plain meditation. Thus, I recommend it highly.

So, now I think I’ve established five surprising areas of physical grace and ability:
swimming
aerobics
dancing
yoga
tight-rope walking.
I still recommend being careful if you walk with me. Without music or intense concentration in the moment (instead of the zillion of other things in my head), I’m still likely to crash at any moment.

One last development of the day: I broke my dorky streak of not ever going to the bar and agreed to hang out with some peeps at night. Drank some wine, had some fun convo, and didn’t get home until 3:30am. Woot. The party was still going strong, but I was done. Overall, a good day.

art and war

We began this morning with Bracha by considering ourselves. We went around the room again saying our names and a few words about our dreams, goals, plans. This became a discussion of art and life, and then, more deeply, of wit(h)nessing through Bracha’s work at the Israel/Palestine border. With others, particularly mothers of soldiers, she helps — well, people. I’m looking for a more specific, descriptive term, but they are most simply people: Israelis and Palestinians moving around the border, trying to reach family, to find peace, to simply live without being beaten or killed. Bracha names her work as wit(h)nessing — she offers therapy, and/but also intervenes politically and completely on the ground, helping individuals work through systems, bearing witness to their sufferings and troubles, being with them in this act: not speaking for them, not using them as examples or political ploys, but attempting to really know them and represent, intervene, indeed wit(h)ness their lives.

During her sessions (and throughout other times), she creates in her notebooks -- not the standard therapist note-taking, but creations of art, drawing, words, concepts.


In the midst of discussion, attempting to encapsulate these scenarios, restarting her sentence a few times, struggling through languages and emotions, she eventually spit out, with traces of anger, sadness, resistance, acceptance, exhaustion and hope:
We live in a world that is just fucked up.
Here's a link to some of her work -- Brother's Photo.

10 June 2008

broaching the matrixial

Working personally with theorists continues to intrigue and surprise. One might have suspicions about how these people would be -- and one would not be entirely incorrect. But I'm constantly delighted by tehse characters and their intense individuality. And I've found each to also be warm, personal, and eager to interact outside of the classroom (mostly at meals, of course, but still -- it's cool, and certainly the fodder for stories I'll one day tell my children and students: "Well, when I had breakfast with Sylvere Lotringer..." "Ah yes, I once argued with DeLanda over this very issue...").

Bracha Ettinger is no exception to these theorists.

Tiny-framed, she appears in layers of black,
punctuated by ash-blonde hair and gold-framed glasses,
and gold sneakers.



She fluently speaks and writes (that I know of) -- Hebrew, French, English. She is a Lacanian feminist psychoanalyst (currently maintaining her private practice and volunteering in the West Bank), a writer/theorist, and an artist/painter. I feel mildly insufficient. She writes the matrisial -- an extension/addendum/correction/interaction to/with the work of Lacan (and in relation/opposition to Deleuze & Guattari). She works with pregnancy as an example/metaphor for ethical interaction as transubjectivity with stings of shared affect connecting us in severalities -- groups of a few who engage in/through matrixial spaces. We move thickly through her work -- she reads a few lines, breaks out to explain/complicate concepts, to elicit questions. In the Lacanian psychoanalytic tradition, her work is a labarynth of terminology -- matrixial gazes, borderspaces, encounter events; trans-inscription, -subjectivity, -formations; m/Other, wit(h)nessing, beside(d)ness, fascinance, subsubjectivity... And the notes are as spiralic as the theory. And/but the whole class is engaging intensely, making the experience far more experiential.

09 June 2008

sun and skirts

Sun! Health! Delight! The new week looks great already. So I wore a skirt. Here are pictures.

08 June 2008

blech

Today, I am sick. I skipped the second half of morning classes, and didn’t attend the evening lecture (which worked well, since Wolfgang pulled me aside beforehand and asked me not to sit behind him because he feared my germs). Instead, I went home, wrote a bit for the blog, and watched German-dubbed American TV and a movie — Ashton Kucher and Amanda Peet in "A Lot Like Love." Turns out silly romantic comedies really don’t require translation (not a gigantic surprise).

Oh well. Here are more pictures of beauty (though we haven’t seen it in days — clouds are sitting directly on the mountains. I assume they’re still there, though).

07 June 2008

hats and hills

I bought a hat! Huzzah! It remains cold and somewhat rainy here, but I don’t care — my exposed pate delights in soft, fuzzy polartek. Complete with silly pouf on top. I was going to cut it off, but someone said it was cute. So, I’ll leave it. My Swiss life improves exponentially with this (expensive) addition.



Sue de Beers ran class today, showing us several of her films and her influences. This included watching Pink Floyd Live at Pompeii. Good times. This prepped us for Sue’s film that night (she presented for our evening event).

With no offense to Sue, I’m going to brush past with just those comments.
Instead, I’ll give you some pictures of the walk to school. We make this trek three times a day. It only takes 5-10 minutes, but it’s steep. Muscles twitch nearly immediately (though this lessens a bit with each trip), but the last pitch poses the greatest challenge.
If I were better at geometry, I’d give you a grade for the last hills — using a treadmill as my basis of comparison, I’ll guess it’s around 75%. Here’s a pic.


Ugh. That totally does not do it justice. I’m a pretty regular worker-outer, and my muscle-ys yelp every time we reach this point. Let’s not even discuss the effects of asthma-girl. Suffice it to say, I don’t carry on many conversations during the walk. Lots of nodding. But I’m not really whining — it’s gorgeous.

06 June 2008

haunted highs

And we begin again, this time with Larry Rickels and Sue De Beer. Rickels specializes in Freudian analysis, while De Beers is a sculptor and film-maker. The class will address "Haunted Thought and Art". Today challenged me, though not in the most academic of ways. This damned continued cold, combined with Rickels low, consistent, somewhat melodic lecturing (marked by no physical movement at all, minus his petting of Elli, his schnauser who attends class as well), meant my attention was not, erm, let’s say at its peak. Regardless, working with a Freudian proves intriguing — I’ve not seen someone so seriously suggest childhood (and mother) issues as the root of theoretical problems. For the afternoon session, I moved closer to Rickels (we’ve attempted to stay a bit out of the way, as we are not primarily egs students). This helped. Up close, he is much more engaging, as I caught the subtleties of his humor.


In the evening, DeLanda presented again — and the performance was more intense (and entertaining). With a larger audience, he comes even more alive, this time lecturing on the misinterpretations of Hume and Kant, and Deleuze’s intervention in favor of a materialist perspective. Here, he also advocated stronger political positions, emphasizing the importance of the material in issues like the acquisition of patents for medicines taken from indigenous cultures. And yet, again, he slowly and subtly mediates his staunch materialism, allowing room for the shaping of language and the necessity/insistence of rhetorics. Really, I’m quite enchanted with him, both theoretically and personally. He gains points as well for managing to negotiate the questions of a girl who must have been ridiculously high. I’ve never heard her speak (not remarkable in and of itself — she’s not been in my classes), but at mildly humorous moments (responded to by most with a quiet snicker), she broke into explosive, melodic and just plain loud laughter. After the presentation, she (of course) had questions. “Um…(giggle giggle)” she began, “sooo, can one play a fair game of chess? And if so, how?” DeLanda had not discussed chess, or anything remotely related. And yet, he fielded the question seriously, offering a strong answer. I don’t remember what exactly that was — I was too distracted by the girl, especially once she pulled out what seemed to be a cigarette (or maybe that’s just my naivety at thinking one would hold their joint in front of all of one’s faculty members. But that’s just me). Amusing for the crowd, though I’d think twice about making that much of an ass of myself.

05 June 2008

days off, delanda and deleuze...oh my!

Today was my first day off since starting egs. So what did I do? Attend someone else’s class, of course. I’m quite committed to my nerd-dom. But there’s something delightful about going to class when you don’t have to — it’s somehow fun, not just necessary work. Plus, this was Manuel DeLanda on Deleuze and Science; how could I not go?

DeLanda, a staunch materialist, is a sort of academic Antonio Bandera (which mostly means that he has a ponytail), a performer as much as a teacher/philosopher. As this morning’s class began, he announced that today was the precise day we would discuss Deleuze’s science. He began with an overview of class so far, emphasizing Deleuze’s multiplicity and specificity — we don’t discuss “the market”, but specific markets — emphasizing the same for science — “science” is not a singular understandable, theorizable entity, but specific sciences are: particle physics, molecular biology, organic chemistry. But the sparks began to fly a bit later with his commentary on social theorists of science, including those Latour and Haraway. DeLanda stands virulently against “linguistic constructions”, dismissing theories of language as that which fundamentally constructs the world, how we know it and our experiences therein (a move that also places him in opposition to most of the other theorists at egs). Thus, he perceives most social critics as problematic, offering false and useless critiques of science through short-sightedness and a complete dismissal of materialism.

DeLanda is beguiling, his arguments convincing if potentially riddled with logical fallacies. “Do you really think,” he’ll opine, “that oxygen ‘became’, began to exist only once we named it? What the hell were we breathing before that?!?!” And yet, such a strong position demands resistance, especially from this audience. Several members of the class (including yours truly) mounted arguments against his dismissals, and, to his credit, his position softened. Yes, Latour perhaps has points in the short-term, immediate argument, though fifty years of research over the study of oxygen lessens some impacts of specific rhetorical analyses. He refused to tell me his problems with Haraway, though with hilarious explanation (which I’ll resist giving the semi-permanence of printing. But ask me if you really want to know).

04 June 2008

swahili hip-hop and sheep

Yes, I've officially lost track of what numbered day it is.

This afternoon, during our (increasingly longer) break, I passed Paul Miller, Sylvere and Victor chatting. I overhear Paul discussing his new theories of hybridities, including Swahili hip hop. Opposite this conversation, a shepherd clambered up and through his field to rescue a baby lamb, bleating desperately, caught in a fence. As the shepherd climbed, the whole flock followed. I’m struck by the reflection, literal and metaphorical.

We are like these sheep, dutifully tracking our leaders through this craggy intellectual territory; and yet we are entirely different, detached from the material, the concrete, wandering through our minds, our language, our constructions. Doing in-depth intellectual work in the midst of this bucolic setting delights me — inevitably, at the moments of the deepest theoretical quagmires, the sheep bleat. Loudly. Or go charging down the hill (I can see them through the open classroom door). Particularly in relief against Baudrillard’s world of simulations/simulacrums, complete with discussion of the Lascaux caves, this intrusion, this insistence of “nature” itself offers challenges and complications to theory.

Later, we discuss the bubble child. I laugh (on the inside) while I blow my nose yet again. I may love nature, but I sure as hell am allergic to most of it. That bubble doesn’t seem like so bad of an idea some days...









Paul Miller presented at night, showing some of his work in relation to the culture of tagging (graffiti), of borrowing, mixing, remixing, and creating. He gave us all different CDs and encouraged us to play.

Oh, almost forgot… Class with Sylvere ended with one of the best anecdotes every. I’ll give you the joke version:
Jean Baudrillard, his wife, their common girlfriend, and Sylvere Lotringer walk into a strip joint on 42nd St…
Man do I love academics...

02 June 2008

oh, sylvere...

(days 7-9)
Monday began our class on Baudrillard with Sylvere Lotringer, Professor of French at Columbia University, publisher of Semiotext(e), and philosopher extraordinaire. He is amazing -- he sits and talks, through theory, stories, anecdotes... He knew/know and published/interviewed everyone. There's much more to say, but I'll have to come back to plump it up. Until then, I leave you with a picture.




Oh, and following are more. Sylvere presented Monday night as well. Here are pics of that, and of Wolfgang asking questions. Their expressions are fantastic...

01 June 2008

days four and five: vv and spooky

Are we tired of the "day" titles yet? Might switch that up here... It's the weekend. How do we celebrate that here at egs? With more classes. v's Lyotard continues to delight in depths of libidinal gaming. Food is fine, weather is -- bleak, actually. Cloudy, cold and rainy. And I have unfortunately developed a cold, and/or am reacting to the beautiful flowering hills and the comfy feather pillows. But what would any experience with akb be without coughing and kleenex? How would anyone ever find me in a crowd? Okay, maybe my notable pate, but what if I'm surrounded by tall men? Hmmm... I might stifle that cough after all... I'm not in terrible peril!

Anyhow, class was great. On the last day, students requested signed copies of v's notes and mobius strips. These will surely be worth serious cash -- watch ebay.


In other excitement, we had entertainment for two nights! On Saturday, Josh and I made our way to Happy Bar for the first time. DJ Spooky (that subliminal kid, aka Paul D. Miller). Very hip.

Sunday began our nightly speakers, commenced nicely by Barbara Hammer with a showing of her film Resisting Paradise, which considers the relationship between art and war, and our responsibilities therein. Had the dvd not skipped out at the penultimate scene (and not been restarted), I would have been slightly happier. As it was, the interweaving of stories of Matisse and refugees from atrocities of WWII was intriguing. And the next morning, I ate breakfast with Barbara and her partner, further discussing these themes, as well as war atrocities against women.

30 May 2008

day three: vv


victor vitanza. The man. The myth. The legend. And I'm back in his class. But let's back up...

Josh and I start our day with a brisk walk up the side of a mountain. Well, nearly. We start down a path headed away from town -- a direction we've not yet explored. Before too long, we come to a fork in the road. We start with the left, but soon decide that the steep pitch and muddy path are a bit too much for 7am. We retreat, start again, this time to the right. This takes us back, around, and through, until we find a resort of sorts that appears to be undergoing renovations. Oh, and a ridiculously steep drop off the edge of the mountain. We head back.

Class begins at 10am (making morning walking and then breakfast completely reasonable), and I find myself once more preparing for the vitanza experience. I haven't had this directly since my first year in rcid. At that point, after each weekly class, I'd call my dad, alternately excited for the mind-blowing knowledge and experience, or crying, convinced I'd never make it through this. Two years later, all ABD'd, I'm more optimistic with those prospects. But here, I'm faced with v for three hours, twice a day, for three days, and all on Lyotard (a French post-structuralist philosopher perhaps most known for his work on libidinal economies and the differend). I quickly realize that I'm not the same pre-scholar who walked into Clemson; I follow (as much as one can) v's moves, the theories unfolding in fits and starts, gestures, asides, tangents and word play. The sheep bleating outside fit nicely into the whole experience. This is going to be fun.

29 May 2008

day two: adventures in Saas Fee

After much delightful sleep, we start our first official day in Saas Fee, all leading up to the opening meeting for egs that night. Our meal plan begins this morning, and I'm exceptionally glad to see many bowls of cereal. There's also dried fruit, fresh-baked breads, soft-boiled eggs, and more, but I'm glad that my love affair with cereal can continue on the continent.

Josh and I have the afternoon free, so we explore the little town a bit more. It's not as little as first imagined (learn about Saas Fee), but it is lovely. I exchange some money -- Swiss francs are quite colorful! -- and we go to the grocery store. We've been warned about the tap water causing some gastrointestinal bloating issues of sorts... so I bought bottled water. Called me a consumptive American if you must. It's better than the other option here.


The afternoon continues with more reading, emailing, lunch and then dinner. We meet some people, Victor arrives, blah blah blah.

Finally, all egs-ers gather in the hotel lobby for the opening remarks by Wolfgang Schirmacher, director of egs. This is an exciting performance. We are encouraged to peruse and discard our books, to take 20% from theory and use it creatively. Egs is a program in Media and Communications, and many students are painters, filmmakers, poets, and artists (of various sorts) in their own right. Now, I happen to be quite fond of my books, and don't really subscribe the same philosophical approach -- but I'm excited for the ride.

28 May 2008

day one: the arrival

Though our travels to egs began the day before, I'll start this story post-boring travel anecdotes...

8:50am
The plane touches down in Zurich.

I've slept in fits and starts though the short night (and prior day) of travel. After retrieving our luggage, Josh and I venture down to the trains, below the airport. We negotiate ourselves to our train and, after a short wait, settle in for a few more hours. The train from Zurich to Visp cuts across much of Switzerland -- but i miss most of this in more napping. I am twice chastised for putting my feet on an empty seat. Damn wish to stretch out...

noon-ish
Arrival in Visp without incident; now, a bus awaits us. For this hour long journey, I'm away and taking countless pictures as we wind up the sides of mountains (see more pics). The country is beautiful -- high peaks, deep chasms, waterfalls, buildings that show the epitome of my conception of the Swiss chalet. But mostly, I think about hte numerous heart-attacks my mom would have riding along these roads. And I'm grateful for our highly skilled bus driver.

1:15pm
We pull in to Saas Fee in the early afternoon. It's cloudy and drizzling. I've realized that I managed to forget all hats but my baseball cap. Between that and my hoodie, I'm excessively Clemson-ed, and freezing. Silly girl.

Maneuvering to the Hotel Allalin is a challenge. We're directed by a German woman who gestures vaguely towards streets -- various streets. We walk up and down the steep hills, feeling the effects of sleep deprivation, the altitude, hours of travel, and odd meals. Eventually (thank you Josh and the Information Office!), we find our way, check in, and are sent for another endless walk to our new apartment (for the next three weeks).

The apartment is nice -- and the same that Justin and Jason had last year (which I realize from the creepy pictures of seemingly-dead children in my bedroom. They were previously described in great detail. Justin did not exaggerate.). We unpack and venture back into town to forage for food. Saas Fee is primarily a resort town, one which is predominantly closed right now, and is rather expensive. Even for not-terrific pizza. Oh well. Upon return (realizing our apt. is not that far when not lugging bags), we're pretty much done for the day. I read a bit of Lyotard to prepare for class on Friday. I'm quite happy to stretch out, unfettered, in a bed, lying down to sleep, snuggled into heavy, warm feather blankets and pillows. I do, however, wish I was not allergic to feather blankets and pillows.